How to Simplify Your Guest List

Would it surprise you if I said that I’ve already started drafting the guest list for my future wedding? (If you’re new here, I’m not engaged…) One day I just started tracking names in my Notes app. The wedding planner in me just wanted to get a realistic picture of how many people we might expect to have at our wedding, how large of a venue we might need, and how much money we might spend. I think I started it over a year ago, and during that time I have already edited the list, removing and adding people. To me, this shows how much life and relationships change over time, and how important it is to really consider the people who are most important to you.

Creating a guest list is one of the first things you should do after you get engaged. Trust me, I know it can be a dreaded task that gets real complicated, real fast. Everyone has an opinion on who you should invite - some people invite themselves - but at the end of the day, the decision is between you and your fiance. Here are a few tips to simplify your guest list:

Start with your ride or dies.
You know who I’m talking about. The people that have been there for it all. Many of them will probably end up in your bridal party, but there are plenty other family members and friends that will fall into that category. Start with the people that immediately come to mind.
Ask yourself a few questions.
After you write down your initial list, you’re going to start adding more and more names. This is where the real work comes in. You and your fiance will need to get honest with yourselves and consider the following about each person:
1. Have I talked to this person in the last year? - If not, they probably shouldn’t be invited to your wedding. Remember, this doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends, it just means you don’t necessarily need to buy them a dinner plate. (Harsh, but true.)
2. Do I have a close personal/family connection with this person? - Even if you haven’t talked to someone in over a year, I know you may still have a strong connection with them. In that case, decide if it is someone who supports your relationship and someone who would bring joy to your wedding day.
3. Do our parents feel strongly about inviting this person? - If yes, ask them why. If they have a truly good reason, and you are comfortable with that person being at your wedding, I suggest inviting them. Additionally, if your parents are paying for the wedding, it is reasonable for them to have at least some say in who’s invited.
4. Do I hang out with this person outside of work? - This question has resulted in the most change on my draft guest list. Many of us have important work friendships, but if you don’t find yourself hanging out with the same people outside of work, or if you no longer hangout with past coworkers, then they probably don’t need a wedding invite.
5. Would this person invite me to their wedding? - Definitely worth considering, but even if the answer is yes, don’t feel obligated to invite them to yours.
6. Will this person bring more joy and happiness to our wedding day? - If the answer is no, then it’s an easy elimination.
Consider the extras.
And by extras, I mean plus-ones, the guests of your guests. Not that we don’t love them, especially if they’re our brother’s girlfriend who’s become like family over the last 3 years. I’m talking about the guy your second-cousin just started dating who you’ve never met. Sure, it might sound simple to go ahead and give everyone a plus-one right off the bat, but once you realize the additional costs involved, you might quickly change your mind. Even more difficult? The answer isn’t cut and dry. Consider a few factors:
1. Do you know and/or like the plus-one?
2. Is your guest in a long-term relationship with or engaged to the plus-one?
3. Will your guest have more fun at the wedding with a plus-one?
4. Will your guest be one of the only people without a plus-one?
  If the answer to most of these questions is yes, consider the extra line on the envelope, especially for members of your bridal party. Otherwise, try to seat your guests with people they already know, or people you know they’ll have a good time with. Also, check out this helpful article, which includes a section on how to ‘be prepared for people to ask if they can bring a plus-one’.
Step away from your list.
Once you’re finished with your guest list, put the pen down, close the book or spreadsheet, and sleep on it. For a few days or a few weeks. You will inevitably realize you forgot someone, and if you’re not sure, ask a family member or friend to objectively review the list. Also, stepping away will give you time to set aside your emotions and come back to the list with fresh eyes. Afterwards, if you still feel excited about your list, then it’s time to send the invites!

One major thing I did not address: kids. Do you allow everyone to bring their kiddos, or do you politely ask guests to make it a kid-free date night? I know the votes are split on this one, and I think it really comes down to your preferences and your family dynamics. Keep in mind: you can make it a kid-free zone, while still inviting a few special kiddos to be in your bridal party or join immediate family members.

For anyone that doesn’t make the cut, find other ways to celebrate with them. Meet up for beers to celebrate your engagement. Plan double date nights. I’m not saying the people you don’t invite are not important people in your lives, so continue to cultivate those relationships.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to comment below or send me a message on my contact page! I also offer personalized consultations, if you need feedback on ideas, vendor recommendations, or just a reassuring conversation. Thanks for being here!

xo,
Sara